When I Wake Up

by tiana on January 25, 2015 · 0 comments

in Failure

One of my favorite Jill Scott songs is one called When I Wake Up. ¬†She says in the chorus, “When I wake up, everything I went through will be beautiful.” It takes a lot of spiritual growth to recognize that all the pain and hurt and failures that you went through in life were actually a good thing. Right now It may not be seen as good because of the pain it is causing but in the end it will all be for your good. You will come out stronger and wiser than when you went in. You will realize later that it was a needed experience in order to become the person you will be in God later. It’s all about trusting the journey.

When I struggled trying to break into the journalism business I often wondered about the choice I made to be a journalist. I went to school, got two degrees and yet I was getting nowhere. I felt like I made a huge mistake in going to school for it, being in debt for it, and pursuing it. Maybe if I was a doctor or a lawyer or something that people wouldn’t shake their head at me in shame, then I would have been successful. I even questioned the school that I went to. I saw all these successful black people come from Howard University and I wondered if I made a mistake in the school I chose. Even more so I wish that I knew what I know now much earlier. I believed my whole world would have been different if I knew all of this at the age of 21 instead of 35. I often wished that I was some child prodigy who knew at an early age what I wanted to be. I envied those kids who were doing big things at the age of ten while I was just a regular ten year old. I hated myself that I wasn’t super smart and could skip grade levels or be in college at the age of 12. I had to work hard for everything because I wasn’t the brightest, the most talented, or the most swift. I wanted to breeze through life and I believed that if I was smart or talented than life would be easier for me. It was my “the grass is always greener on the other side” philosophy.

But, when I woke up I realized that I had to trust MY journey. I had to realize that all that I went through yesterday has prepared me for today and tomorrow. I had to trust that all of my feelings of rejection would ultimately make me strong. I had to realize that all my past hurts were hard lessons but in the end they were just that, lessons. I had to learn that the successful people I looked up to were not overnight sensations. Or that the child prodigies that I was jealous of may have had their own private struggles that no one knew about. I had to come to the conclusion that my life and the journeys that came with it were mine…and only mine. I couldn’t walk in someone else’s shoes and they couldn’t walk in mine. I am where I am suppose to be. I am pursuing the dream that God gave me and I don’t care if people shake their heads at me anymore. I am following a God who has never let me down. The grass is always greener where you water it. It has nothing to do with your career, how much money you make, or how much talent you have; life is all about character, persistence, and resilience. The race is not given to the swift but to those who endure to the end. And when I woke up, everything I went through was beautiful.

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