I can’t fall back into depression. I’ve tried. There is a comfort in depression. You don’t have to try hard. You’ve already thought of yourself as a failure. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself. It’s easy to lose confidence in all your ability and talents. It’s easy to be alone and be isolated from others. It’s easy to fall into that feeling of being a loser. There’s a comfort in being sad when you’ve dealt with it for quite some time. You become like Billie Holliday in her famous song “Hello, Heartache” because you’re use to losing for so long. So, I’ve tried to fall back into that pattern because it’s comfortable. Following your dreams is scary. There’s a lot of unknowns and possible failures. There’s a lot of what ifs. And it’s a very lonely path to take because everyone doesn’t understand what you’re doing. So, I tried…but I can’t. I’ve outgrown depression. I’ve outgrown the need to worry about circumstances. I’ve outgrown negative people. I’ve outgrown low self-esteem. I am in the process of outgrowing the voices in my head that try to discourage me and call me crazy because I am following my dreams. I am a new person now.

One day I decided to go through my playlists on my phone. I focused solely on my struggle music. My struggle music is the “Lord, help me please”, the “Get over that hump,”, that “I’m going to try and make it anyhow” music. The music that has helped me through the lowest times of my life. I tried to cling to that feeling again of struggle and no hope at the end of the tunnel because it has comforted me for so long. But, I just couldn’t. It was time for me to move on. I was on another level. It was time to be happy. It was time to be confident. It was time to be a conquerer. It was time for conquerer music to fit my new conquerer attitude. It was time to be who God wanted me to be.

You may have overcome alcoholism for several years now but Satan is making you believe that there’s something to be sad about; convincing you to have a drink. You may have overcome drug addiction and felt that same negative feeling and the comfort it brings. You have left an abusive relationship and you’re alone and want to reconnect with them. But, you can’t. You’ve tried to get back that comfortable feeling of being less than…but you can’t. The spirit won’t let you. It’s gone, it’s done, and it’s over. You can never go back. And that’s when you’ve crossed one of the major finish lines of life. That’s when you’ve made it to the next level. That’s when you can smile and say, “I don’t have to go back there ever again…because now I made it.”

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